Guest blog: How to talk others about your cancer
This is another brilliant blog in our series from Confidence Coach, Allie Morgan (see here for her first guest blog: How to Rebuild Your Confidence After Cancer). Allie is a Confidence Coach, working with cancer survivors and those with chronic illnesses. After overcoming bone cancer at the age of 14, Allie knew that the end of treatment could be a difficult time for a lot of cancer patients and wanted to offer support for those finding it tough to get back into ‘normal’ life. Through her use of confidence-building techniques, Allie helps to make those who have suffered from serious or chronic illness to feel empowered, and able to write the next chapter of their life. You can find out more at www.whatcomesnextcoaching.com
When you’re going through cancer treatment, you might find that the conversations you have with people around you suddenly become a bit awkward. The truth is that, unless you have experience in this sort of thing, no one really knows how to react to an ill person. Especially someone who has the ‘Big C’.
Personally, when I had cancer, I felt like a lot of people spoke to me as though I was wrapped in cotton wool. People just didn’t know how to be normal around me anymore.
If you’re finding it difficult to talk to others about your cancer experience, here are some tips to help you navigate those tricky conversations.
Always be honest
Going through cancer can be a scary ride. You’re having horrible (but life-saving) treatment, you’re dealing with nasty side effects and you’re trying not to pick up every infection known to man because your immune system is low. Exhausting, right?
Now imagine trying to put a brave face on top of that.
It’s not healthy to hold everything in and not open up to anyone around you. Talk to someone you trust about how you’re feeling. And be honest about it. Are you afraid? Are there certain things you’re worried about? Are you optimistic that everything will turn out okay? Be honest and be sure to let them know if all you need is someone to listen to you right now. They don’t have to say anything or offer any words of wisdom. Sometimes, just listening is enough.
Ask for help if you need it
This is something that a lot of us hardly ever do. Asking for help is seen as a sign of weakness but the truth is, we’re all human and we all need it sometimes. Whether it’s asking a family member to pick your kids up from school, your other half to cook the tea or asking your doctor to refer you to a therapist, there are a myriad different ways you can be supported.
Asking for help isn’t a weakness, it’s just acknowledging that you’ve got a lot going on and a human being can only cope with so much!
Don’t feel as though you have to answer people’s questions
There are those people in our lives who we feel comfortable opening up to. And then there are those people who can just be…well, plain nosy.
If someone has questions that you don’t want to answer, don’t feel obliged to let them in on what’s going on. Tell them that you’d rather not talk about it or switch the topic to focus on them instead. You don’t need to tell everyone everything. At the end of the day, it’s your business and it’s up to you who you share that information with.
Ask others for advice
This is one I regret not doing more of while I was going through chemo. As an introvert teen, I stayed quiet and let my parents do most of the talking. But joining support groups or asking advice from people who have been in your position can be so helpful.
Ask your nurse or doctor if there are any local groups you can join & chat to people on your ward too. Sara has an amazing list of resources for you here.
Put yourself in the loop
When you’ve got cancer, people will try to protect you and that might mean they only seem to talk to you about how your treatment is going, instead of chatting about the normal stuff you’d usually natter on about for hours. Sometimes they just don’t feel comfortable complaining about something minor when you’re going through something so life-changing. But the truth is, sometimes you just want to stop talking about cancer for a while and be the friend you’ve always been.
If that’s the case, don’t wait to be ‘kept in the loop’. Put yourself in the loop. Ask your friends what’s been going on in their lives and let them know it’s fine if they need a moan or a rant too. You’re still their pal, even if you’re going through cancer treatment, and they shouldn’t be afraid to talk about their worries and frustrations as well.
Remind your mates that you’re still there for them, as much as they’re there for you.
And if you need someone to talk to…
Feel free to message me through my website & we can chat about what you’ve been going through.
Please note that I, as Ticking Off Breast Cancer, do not accept responsibility for the content of the guest blogs. The information and content provided in all guest blogs is intended for information and educational purposes only and is not intended to substitute for professional medical advice. Please seek professional advice or speak to your medical team if you have any questions about the issues raised in this guest blog.